My Mom is showing marked improvement since we asked Charlotte to come twice a week. Charlotte has a deep, caring rapport with Mom - very nurturing in a way I have never been. We still have our weekly outings to a restaurant - usually Carrabbas, which has great atmosphere and service.
We are all going over to the Assisted Living Facility at Summerfield to join Mom for Thanksgiving because wheelchair transport on the holiday seemed problematic. I hope it works out OK, but am considering trying to rent a wheelchair capable van for Christmas. Once you give up these things, life changes forever. My heart turns to all the Thanksgivings when Mom and I put the extra leaves in the table; put on the special, embroidered tablecloth; and then covered it with plastic; set the table with the best China, silver and glassware. We always did this the night before and loved the pristine setting that promised culinary delights on the morrow.
We always went to Kozel's the night before (going back to all the years my Dad was with us too and, of course, the girls) and then the big day arrived and Lilo and Werner arrived from New York. Everything was bustle and preparation and interruptions and Werner ALWAYS needed a snack as soon as he arrived and Lilo and my parents brought pies and cookies and paper mache Pilgrims and bagels and Lilo's special green cream cheese and chaos and unexpected guests and it all worked out somehow and Bill wore the biggest shit-eating grin because there was nothing except fishing he liked half as much as hosting Thanksgiving Dinner.
Over the years the rituals have changed as life insisted upon happening. Turns out this year marks another change none of us are really prepared for. We will just have to see how it works out. And hope that the ghosts of those who have gone before us rest easy. Mom is the only parent still with us.
Here's what I think...
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When mom was in Pine Haven, we dragged her and her wheelchair all over homes and restaurants for 3 years, trying to have a "normal" Thanksgiving.
ReplyDeleteThe best one for everyone was her last, when the whole family ate Thanksgiving dinner in the physical therapy room at Pine Haven. We got that special table because there were so many of us they couldn't accommodate us in the dining room.
Sitting in that unlikely environment, surrounded by pulleys and equipment, mom had the most relaxed Thanksgiving in years. She was comfortable in her own environment, able to roll around freely, with her room and whatever she needed nearby, In prior years she was exhausted from traveling and worrying about having to use public restrooms, or the family's not accessible ones.
The P.H. staff, who were working on their holiday, treated us like we were honored guests, and we all had a great time. Especially mom.
Turns out it's being with family that makes Thanksgiving great after all.
❤️💚💜 miss you.
DeleteThank you for sharing this, Mary Ann. I wondered how holidays were working out for all of you.
ReplyDeleteI love your description of Thanksgivings past. When we had Thanksgiving at Buttonwood Lane, the meal usually included the four of us as well as my bachelor Uncle Jimmy, my widowed Aunt Grace next door, and my paternal grandparents. Like you, the preparation ritual was almost as important as the day itself.
After Mom died, the ritual changed. We would go to my Aunt Mary O'Connor's and enjoy a wonderful day which also included your parents a couple of times. Or we'd go to my Aunt Alice Farnsworth's in Boxford. Either house promised wonderful times spent with family. I resolved to be the keeper of the Thanksgiving flame as long as I could. It was always wonderful to have cousins, friends and family gathered around the table. Our ritual always included everyone having a moment to mention what they were thankful for.
This year we will have the family together, as Paul now lives in NYC. It will be a very thankful, joyous occasion since Ira has just completed radiation treatments and is cancer-free.
💜💚❤️ your hospitality carried on the traditions of your Mom and Aunts.
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