Introduction: I wrote this in 2000 after a good friend was summarily fired for obeying the law instead of her supervisor. It seems even more valid 20 years later.
The Mediocre Manager’s Commandments
1. I am thy Supreme Commander whom thou shalt esteem above all others. (Have no independent thoughts, exercise no responsibility and do not dare to demonstrate initiative before me.)
2. Thou shalt not labor in vain. (I shall take full credit for any of thy accomplishments.)
3. Thou shalt remember to keep holy thy Supreme Commander’s day. (Wholly uncluttered by management problems for which I can blame you later.)
4. Thou shalt honor my decisions. (Thou shalt frequently kiss my buttocks.)
5. Thou shalt not commit violence against me. (Suppress all evidence of your own intelligence and competency in the presence of any visiting dignitaries or representatives from home office.
6. Thou shalt not screw with thy Supreme Commander. (Take the blame for my mistakes or else.)
7. Thou shalt not steal credit for thy subordinates’ accomplishments. (The credit belongs to me.)
8. Thou shalt not bear false witness about thy subordinates. (Never defend them against my spite.)
9. Thou shalt be not covet the accomplishments of others. (These are for my greater glory and so I claim them.)
10. Thou shalt not covet my superior judgment. (Keep your mouth shut. Your input is not relevant to my agenda.)
7/12/00
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